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Commentary

You Sure You’re In The Mood For Another Wes Anderson Film With Everything That’s Going On?

Hey, guys. It’s me, acclaimed filmmaker Wes Anderson. I just finished my latest movie, The Phoenician Scheme, and it’s going to be great. It’s got…
Entertainment

Amazon Teases Next James Bond Will Face Off Against Threat Of Collective Bargaining

LOS ANGELES—Teasing several juicy details on the heels of their recent $1 billion purchase of the franchise, Amazon officials announced Friday that the next James…
Entertainment

The Onion’s Box Office Hits
American Voices

Cannes Bans Nudity On Red Carpet

Cannes Film Festival issued an updated red carpet dress code that effectively bans full nudity and “voluminous” ensembles, citing “decency reasons.” What do you think?
Commentary

You Can’t Even Watch A Movie Anymore Without Seeing Some Theme Explored

I’ve loved movies ever since I was a little kid. Just stepping into that dark theater, with the smell of fresh popcorn, was like being…
Entertainment

Dwayne Johnson Honored For Accomplishments In Neck Acting

LOS ANGELES—Presenting him with a small-scale gilded anatomical model at a lavish ceremony Monday evening, the American Film Institute honored top leading man Dwayne Johnson…

Entertainment

What To Know About ‘Sinners’

Sinners, the new movie from Ryan Coogler starring Michael B. Jordan, has received widespread praise from critics and audiences. The Onion shares everything you need…
Local

14 Years Avoiding ‘Mr. Popper’s Penguins’ Spoilers Undone In Single Moment Of Carelessness

SPOKANE, WA—Lamenting that all his effort had been in vain, area man Evan Stackelberg told reporters Thursday that his 14 years of avoiding spoilers for…
Local

Prostitute Falls Asleep During ‘Star Wars’

LOUISVILLE, KY—Expressing a mix of frustration and stunned disbelief at the woman’s lack of enthusiasm, local man Ron Broder told reporters Wednesday that the escort…
Entertainment

Sam Mendes Admits Idea For 4 Beatles Biopics Conceived Before He Heard About TV

READING, ENGLAND—Calling his ignorance “a major oversight,” filmmaker Sam Mendes admitted Monday that he conceived his idea for four Beatles biopics before hearing about TV.…
Entertainment

Best Picture Winner ‘Kissing The Martinet’ Faces Backlash After Fans Learn Movie Not Real

LOS ANGELES—In a development that cast a shadow over the 97th Academy Awards, the filmmakers behind Best Picture winner Kissing The Martinet reportedly faced backlash…
American Voices

Movie Theater Ceiling Collapses During ‘Captain America’ Screening

After a ceiling collapsed onto the audience during a screening of the latest Marvel film, a theater in Wenatchee, WA is working with local authorities…

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