Sexually transmitted infections, also known as STIs or STDs, affect millions of Americans every year. The Onion debunks the many misconceptions people have about STIs.
MYTH: STI tests are inconvenient.
FACT: The clinic will mail your penis back within three to five business days.
MYTH: Gonorrhea and chlamydia cancel each other out.
FACT: Gonorrhea beats syphilis, syphilis beats HPV, and HPV beats gonorrhea.
MYTH: STIs can’t be transmitted through oral sex.
FACT: Nice try.
MYTH: It’s risky to have multiple sexual partners without getting tested.
FACT: The real danger is falling in love.
MYTH: Having sex in hot tubs kills STIs.
FACT: We get it, you have a hot tub.
MYTH: You should inform any sexual partners if you test positive for an STI.
FACT: Don’t just talk about yourself—ask them how they’re doing, too.
MYTH: Once you get an STI, you’re stuck with it forever.
FACT: Eventually you will die.
