Shopping Archives - The Onion

Man Proudly Saves $8 On Pubic Hair Trimmer

The Onion Staff — Mon, 01 Dec 2025 20:41:56 +0000

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France Suspends Shein Over Sex Dolls

The Onion Staff — Fri, 07 Nov 2025 14:00:00 +0000

France announced that it will suspend Shein’s online marketplace after listings of sex dolls with child-like features emerged, coming as the brand opens its first brick-and-mortar store in Paris. What do you think?

“Why, what’s the age of consent for sex dolls in France?”
Dion Kerr, Soda Distiller

“Anyone who’s serious about their sex dolls would never buy one from Shein anyway.”
Beth Polonsky, Cactus Trimmer

“All my sex dolls are well into their 50s.”
Eddie Fermin, Unemployed

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Thrift Store Categorizes Inflatable Birthing Tub As Decor

The Onion Staff — Wed, 23 Apr 2025 13:00:00 +0000

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Conservative Outraged Tampons Available In Men’s Grocery Stores

The Onion Staff — Wed, 22 Jan 2025 16:02:50 +0000

SPRINGFIELD, IL—Describing the items on the shelf as yet other example of the “woke nonsense” abetting the feminization of American men, local conservative Nick Schwab, 54, told reporters Wednesday he was outraged by the availability of tampons and other period products in men’s grocery stores. “This is fucking unbelievable—what if I’d had my son with me today and he’d seen this?” said Schwab, who added that he would expect this sort of thing at a Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods, but not at an ordinary men’s supermarket, where he insisted male shoppers should be able to buy food without fear of getting “brainwashed by the trans agenda.” “God, I miss the days when I wasn’t continually forced to apologize to the world for being a man. What’s next? Will the radical left make them put in a whole aisle of lipstick and makeup and stuff like that?” Schwab went on to ask what the world was coming to when his grocery store had shelves full of tampons but the condom dispensers were somehow always empty when he went to visit his local glory hole.

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