Commentary

Shut yer tater trap and listen here— that consarned Cletus an’ I is a-feudin’ agin’, and ain’t nothin’ on God’s green Earth gonna stop me…

Hate to say it, folks, but your old pal Jean had just about the lousiest summer since the Bay City Rollers canceled their show at…

Goddamn it, nurse! How many times do I have to tell you? Wipe front to back, not back to front! You want me to get…

This morning the telephone rang while I was downstairs washing some slacks, so I rushed upstairs and caught it on the 14th ring. To my…

What does food taste like? I cannot remember. This is because in 1978, my stomach and most of my small intestine had to be removed.…

The year was 1987, a time I’ll never forget. The country was in the grips of the Great Recession, the worst economic crisis my generation…

Citizens, hear us well. Our great nation is being undermined by a secret society of individuals who carry deadly white truncheons and lead vicious attack…

All right, I’ll just come out and say it: In all my 124 years of life I have never had an erection. That is not…

Oh, Jesus, Lord in Heaven, I am sorry for the many sins that I have committed. I will try to do better in the future…

Look, I’m as fun-loving as the next guy. After work I like to loosen up my tie, unbutton my collar and relax with a couple…

A most distressing thing happened to me the other day. There I was, squatting like a baboon in my bed, trying to pass a bolus…

Did you know I was once Governor of our fair state? Yes, from 1914 to 1920. I was known as the “Strip-Mining Governor” for my…

All the time, I catch people bellyachin’ about the economy and how they’re having trouble finding a job. Well you can bet I give them…

First of all, I can see you’re all busy folks and the last thing you need is to waste time listening to a load of…

The other day Judy the wife was yappin’ that I never do anything with her, so I agreed to go to the big tasting party…