Become A Member. Get The Paper.

Tesla

American Voices

Tesla Opens Diner

Tesla CEO Elon Musk launched the company’s first diner in Los Angeles, with the futuristic pit stop featuring retro Americana, EV superchargers, and robot servers.…
Local

Tesla Robotaxi Keeps Changing Subject To White Genocide
News

Tesla Employees Scramble To Make Office Look Like They’ve Been Sleeping There

AUSTIN, TX—In an effort to give the impression that they had been burning the midnight oil while CEO Elon Musk was away in Washington, D.C.,…
News

Man Who Bumped Tesla While Parallel Parking Sentenced To Death

WASHINGTON—Warning that even the slightest dent, knick, or scratch would henceforth be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, Attorney General Pam Bondi announced Tuesday that…
Local

Spray-Painted Penis Only Thing Holding Cybertruck Together
Commentary

Am I Ugly?

So this is kind of awkward but it’s been on my mind lately and I know it’s probably nothing but I’ve gotta ask. And be…

American Voices

Tesla Dealerships Attacked With Molotov Cocktails

Tesla car dealerships across the U.S. have been attacked with guns and Molotov cocktails in recent days over what protesters believe is Elon Musk’s overreach…
Local

Cybertruck Owner Brags About High-Tech Pedal That Makes Vehicle Accelerate When Pressed

LOS ANGELES—Praising the latest of the car’s bleeding-edge features that felt like they came from the future, Cybertruck owner Anselm Hart bragged to friends Monday…
American Voices, Opinion

Tesla’s Cybertruck Recalled For 4th Time

Tesla has recalled its Cybertruck for the fourth time since the vehicle went on sale Nov. 30 due to an error with the windshield wiper…
News

Tesla Announces Plan To Add Up-Skirt Cameras On All Vehicles

AUSTIN, TX—Crediting himself for the electric vehicle company’s latest innovation, CEO Elon Musk announced a plan Friday to add up-skirt cameras on all new Tesla…
News

Mechanical-Armed Grimes Flees Elon Musk Compound With Five Wives In Stolen Cybertruck

CHIHUAHUAN DESERT, TX—Tearing through the desert wasteland with a fleet of self-driving Tesla Model 3s in pursuit, a mechanical-armed Grimes reportedly fled Elon Musk’s compound…
Local

Elon Musk’s Neighbors Fed Up With Eyesore Yard Covered In Broken-Down Cybertrucks

BOCA CHICA, TX—Accusing the billionaire tech mogul of dragging down property values, neighbors of Elon Musk told reporters Thursday they were fed up with his…

Advertising

Advertising

In Other News