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Reference #90835

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CHŌ, NISHIIWAI,

IWATE, JAPAN—

Struggling to decide

whether one on fall or spring

would rock their shit more,

Zen monk Ken Ito

strained for a haiku to knock

them on their asses.

“I could mess them up

with that Bashō one about

the full moon’s splendor,”

the Buddhist monk said

Wednesday, seeing a tour group

on the temple grounds,

trawling through his mind

for the best contemplations

on life’s fleetingness

in syllabic sets

of five-seven-five that could

blow their fucking minds.

“Then again maybe

I hit them with Ryōkan

on the transient

dew on lotus leaves

in the darkened mountainside.

Bet that fucks them up.”

At press time, after

the monk had found the perfect

haiku, he remarked,

“Ah, summer grasses! 

All that is still remaining  

Of warriors’ dreams,” 

only to see that

the group had gone, leaving him

feeling like an ass.

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Reference #57675

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According to sources, the 26-year-old sales associate and self-described Übermensch rattled off a dozen esoteric theories of racial hierarchy and eagerly asserted the biological superiority of white people, admitting he was “a bit of a geek” when it came to the topic of purging Caucasian blood of its impurities. In an exchange that began as a casual conversation about dogs, Price reportedly went on a tangent about falling white birth rates for 15 minutes straight. 

“It’s amazing to see how passionate Luke becomes when the topic of white power comes up—he gets completely absorbed,” said girlfriend Sarah Hovey, 20, who explained that while she considered herself more of a casual racist, she didn’t mind Price’s frequent monologues about IQ scores and genetics, or his lengthy quotations from Arthur de Gobineau’s mid-19th-century Essay On The Inequality Of The Human Races. “If someone mentions immigration, for instance, his whole face lights up as he starts in about shifting demographics, great replacement theory, and how this country rightfully belongs to whites.”

Hovey told reporters there was “something kind of adorable” about how excited her boyfriend becomes when he recaps the latest white supremacist diatribe from a Stew Peters podcast or Nick Fuentes live stream. She acknowledged her mind often wanders when Price goes into nerdy detail about scientific racism—rambling on about brow ridges and skull measurements, or the difference between Australoids and Mongoloids—but said she’s just glad he has something that makes him happy. 

“Everyone has their thing,” Hovey said. “Luke has white supremacy. I like to watch Friends.”

Price spoke at length about how, as a teenager, the internet allowed him to connect with a community of people who shared his intense conviction that inferior people were diluting the blood of the country. Though his parents anticipated he would grow out of his youthful obsession, he said his love of all things Aryan has only deepened with age. He chuckled when confessing he sometimes goes on eBay and spends “way too much” on pricey collectibles like authentic Nazi paraphernalia or a rare first edition of The Turner Diaries.

“In high school, I was really into the Proud Boys, Bronze Age Pervert, and that whole alt-right scene that was coming out back then,” said Price, describing himself as the kid who wore a Pepe the Frog T-shirt to class and scribbled the “14 words” on the front of all his notebooks. “But pretty soon I got into edgier stuff, like Mike Enoch’s blog, and older stuff, too—influential guys like Madison Grant, who was writing a century ago about racial hygiene and the superior Nordic stock of America’s founders.”

“Yep, I’m a big ol’ dork when it comes to the idea of establishing a white ethnostate,” he continued, throwing up his hands in a gesture of mock helplessness. “What can I say?”

While he reportedly has very few friends in the town where he lives, Price said his Discord server is home to dozens of likeminded individuals of pure European heritage whom he chats with “basically 24/7.” In typical nerd fashion, he added, they sometimes attend in-person meet-ups where they dress up in vintage David Duke–era Ku Klux Klan robes. Price showed off a photo from a white nationalist con he attended, Fuentes’ America First Political Action Conference, where he got his photo taken with “real-life superhero” Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Price confirmed his passion for preserving the white race has alienated him from people with more mainstream hobbies, remarking that no matter how popular white supremacy becomes, there will always be those who look down on him just because he’s part of the fandom. 

“Some people think it’s lame,” he said. “They’d probably call me a weirdo or a loser for devoting so much of my time to this. I don’t let it get me down, though. It’s 2025, for God’s sake! We’re cool now! There are even people like me in the White House.”

“The haters out there are probably just insecure,” he added. “Or secret Jews.”

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Reference #17806

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